Lets explore the topic of navigating intimacy while dealing with chronic pain or injury. This is something I've had to deal with over the years as someone who is extremely accident prone, has had 4 surgeries, and experiences chronic pain.
I've had my leg locked straight after knee surgery, had my arm in slings from surgeries and dislocations, and just generally been having back pain and spasms for weeks on end.
Whether you, or your partner, are in the same boat, these tips will help you navigate safe, playful, & intimate moments with each other.
Communication and honesty
These are crucial pillars of any initimate relationship. Your partner will feel confident to play with you if you tell them any time something hurts you, or is uncomfortable for you. Don't wait until hours or days later. Try to let them know as soon as possible, because you don't have to be ashamed of feeling pain.
Share your desires and accessibility needs with your partner. It is really attractive and helpful to say, "I would love to [insert sexual act], and I need [insert need here] in order to do that."
This will build trust and confidence. Starting with a relaxed mindset is a game changer.
Chronic pain can cause bodily tension, leading to discomfort during intimate encounters. By incorporating lubrication, it will significantly reduce friction and enhanced pleasure for both partners, making the experience more enjoyable.
Lubrication will also help the person who is manually stimulating someone else, as their fingers will glide more easily, which will preserve their grip strength.
Think outside the box
Use your creativity! Explore different types of touches beyond penetration. Feel the power of gentle caresses, massages, and skin-to-skin contact. These alternative touches can deepen your emotional connection, transcending the limitations imposed by physical pain.
Use toys and restraints to your advantage. We have the technology to vibrate and thrust for us, so we don't have to!
If you have a limb that should be immobilized, use a restraint to make sure it doesn't move. Spreader bars can come in handy here, or a set of cuffs. Two sets are sometimes needed for arms and legs.
Rest when needed, and practice patience. This can cause antici......
Listen to your body and recognize when it needs respite. If you show unwavering patience and support, never pressuring your partner to push beyond their limits or feel guilty for needing breaks, this will be the ultimate romance!
Creating a nurturing environment will foster a healthy and fulfilling intimate life.
Choose comfortable positions
Perhaps it's hard for you to get in and out of bed, or maybe it's painful for you to stay in the same position for too long. Make sure you know which of these is the case, so you know whether to get super comfortable in one spot, and have everything you need in reach, or be prepared to switch positions often.
Comfort shouldn't just be for the person receiving sexual acts. It should be extended to all parties, so the pleasure can last longer and not cause anyone and injury.
Play around with levels. Have someone sit on the edge of the bed and the other person kneel in front of them. This way they won't strain their neck when performing oral. Or try straddling your partner while they sit in a chair.
Good form isn't just for the gym
If you feel like your wrist or hip is bending at an awkward angle, don't be shy to make some adjustments. If you are thrusting with your fingers, try using your larger, stronger muscles to get more power and endurance.
Learn to activate your back muscles to take pressure off of your rotator cuff, and strengthen your upper body with resistance training where possible. This is especially important for people with hypermobility and others who are prone to dislocations.
Use your braces and other aids
If you usually wear braces to help you with daily tasks or sporting activities, it'll probably be a good idea to wear it in the bedroom too. Who cares what colour it is, or if the velcro gets stuck to the bed sheets? If it helps you perform to the best of your ability, your partner(s) will thank you!
Thrifty hack: if you don't have any braces for your wrists, wrap the fingers of your other hand around the wrist of the one you are using to penetrate your partner. It's an easy way to give your joint some extra support.
Build up slowly
If one, or both, of you are nervous - try doing something cute and low pressure beforehand. Sometimes my partner shaves my face for me because I don't have much vision in my right eye. It's a great opportunity to show that they care, and can be tender with me.
Other activities could be trading massages, or other grooming rituals you have.
These are the main categories I decided to leave in this post. But there are many more tips and opinions that I have on this subject!
Feel free to share this with anyone you think would benefit from these tips.
If you look through my social media pages, you'll see some videos on this topic too!
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